posts> I Lost my Power

i Lost my power

December 13th, 2017

I lost my power… we have heard this phrase a lot lately. Unfortunately we have had many hurricanes and natural disasters throughout the country and the world. Several weeks ago, we had a storm hit and “I lost my power.” I really thought after a day it would come back on, so at first, it felt ike an adventure. Fortunately we have a gas stove, so I bought provisions to make tacos and put on my headlamp. We built a fire and hunkered in.

The next morning we woke up to darkness and realize that no power meant we have no water, which lead us all to wonder...how were we going to go the bathroom?

Regroup we have a pool. So out I went to pump water into a bucket to carry into the bathroom. Adventure? It takes 5 gallons of water to flush a toilet.

Got kids to school and reality hit as I came home. NO POWER. I cleaned  out the fridge and the freezer, thankfully I hadn’t gone to the grocery store. I was trying to stay positive and not get discouraged, but I could feel myself unraveling. I was having my own inner dialogue, get over yourself Charlotte people are struggling in Houston and Puerto Rico right now. I pulled myself together minus a shower and met my niece at Starbucks to try and get some work done. The place was packed, clearly I was not the ONLY one without power.

I spent the next few days lost. I was driving home and said out loud “ I lost my power” and it hit me, I had no control, that was what unraveling me. Electricity gives us some control over the very basic things in life; food, water warmth, and now god forbid we don’t have internet.

Often when we have little control, we grasp and feel lost and anxious. Wednesday after three days of no power I drove down my road to  find the utility trucks there. I was elated as if Santa were on my road. They were a group that had come up from the south, “Ma’am we will have your power on in a couple hours.” I jumped back into my warm car, which had become my haven in the past few days, and drove my son to an appointment, secretly thinking when we get home we will have power. As I turned the corner coming home a few hours later everything looked eerily still on our road and at our house, I wanted to cry. I had set myself up, ugh. Breathe, I couldn’t. 5 gallon bucket pump. Bed.

The next afternoon, the electricity came on and I literally regained my “power." My mood and entire physical body felt different.  Digging deeper and understanding the literal and figurative control “power” has over our moods is fascinating. I still had access to everything, I could leave my house I wasn’t stuck, like many people is serious catastrophes. I just lacked, light, warmth and water, but maybe what I am forgetting is my home is more than a place to function. My home had been compromised.

This experience really frustrated me, not because I “lost my power” but because I couldn’t get it back. I don’t mean literally; I mean in my head. I was so mad at myself for allowing this loss to unravel me and deeply impact me, I didn’t like being with me. I was lost until I got my power back. There is no real point to this story except building a simple awareness around our reactions to not having control. The awareness is the beginning of something bigger next time the “storm” hits we may be more prepared to surrender.